Oh, to be a Vegetarian

Vegetarianism is great, but I’m not going to lie to you, bottomless internet void, it’s also extremely difficult, scary, and sometimes hilarious. So, I present to thee, 4 of the joys of being a VegHead:

  1. The “Oh, I’ll just eat this salad”. So perhaps it is time for a family dinner out. Perhaps you’re grabbing a quick bite with your friends before going bowling. Whatever the situation, your vegetarianism poses to possible outcomes. Either your dinner partners kindly take into consideration your dietary requirements and choose a restaurant where you too can enjoy a lovely dinner. Far more likely is the scenario where you end up eating bread and lettuce leaves while your loved ones dig into some delicious flame-grilled beef at the local steakhouse. Because really, who gives a crap about what the herbivore’s gonna eat?
  2. The: “oh my God I think my ribs are piercing my skin!” This scenario may ver well be a result of the previous. One month after going vegetarian I was the thinnest and lightest I had ever been. This is NOT as great as it sounds. Being the only herbivore in a house full of enthusiastic meat eaters means lots of fitting in with their meals. After a month of way to many “oh, I’ll just eat breads”, you could play the xylophone on my ribs and hang your keys on my prominent little collarbone. It had gotten so bad that my mom was threatening to force feed me liquified steak through a tube while I slept.
  3. The “Hang on, let me check the ingredients!” Every. Single. Time. We go grocery shopping, little old me has to spend a total of at least WayTooLong squinting at ingredients lists printed in what has to be the tiniest, most cramped font known to humankind. Seriously, instant noodles, why is your ingredients list situated RIGHT ON THE FOLD OF THE PACKET?! These situations give me an intense desire to eat a lot of bacon. Not good.
  4. The “Why don’t you eat some meat, stupid treehugger!” There are a few things that happen as soon as someone finds out I’m a vegetarian. It usually goes a little like ” Oh. MyGod. You are sooooo strong! I can’t, like, live without meat! Its like, soooo yummy!” This is shortly followed by the question session. “So, where do you get your protein? Do you eat fish? ‘Cause they’re, like, not really animals, right? Why are you a vegetarian anyway?” After this, the individual I am talking to usually resorts to: quiet sympathy, telling me why I should eat some bacon, or loudly and grossly chewing on some or another hunk of meat while rubbing it under my nose.

Being a vegetarian is mostly awesome. I mean, there’s that warm, fuzzy feeling you get inside of you. Vegetarianism is also probably on of the only situations in my entire life where I have managed to maintain strong willpower. Three. Years. Of willpower. No way am I giving that up. Lastly, and this is something few vegetarians will admit, it occasionally does give me a kind of holier-than-thou feeling. And it feels good.

In all seriousness, if you are or do decide to become a vegetarian, please do a bit of research and figure out how you are going to maintain a relatively healthy diet (ha, look at me saying ‘relatively healthy diet. I’m writing this while eating a chip sandwich for lunch). Malnutrition is no joke, even if  key hook collar bones are kinda funny and useful.

Come on, bottomless internet void, it’s the right thing to do!

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