Chronic Clumsiness

I am a sufferer of chronic clumsiness. I mean, its not just like the occasional fall. Its a mortifying, daily and painful suffering. I cannot drink coke and walk down stairs at the same time. I walk into walls that I know have been in the same place for years. I once tripped whilst sitting on a table. For these, as well as numerous other reasons, it is not a good idea to take me ice skating. Contrary to popular belief, apparently.

My friends all seem to think its hilarious that I say I have difficulty ice skating (and by “difficulty” I mean: OHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT *smack* OHSHITWHYISTHATWALLSOCLOSEOHSHIT *fall* OHMYGODTHISISTORTURESOMEBODYSAVEME *break multiple bones* WHYISTHISCONSIDEREDFUN) .

Okay, so that is kind of funny. Its always funny watching me trying to do anything vaguely athletic. That’s because I’m THAT kid. I’m that nerd who spends all her time behind a book, computer, or other device and shudders at the mere thought of sport. Awkward, clumsy and continuously walking into stuff. So, take that and put it on blades. Then put it on ice.

The last time I went ice skating was five or six years ago, and all I remember from that is being so proud of myself when I managed to skate around the rink all by myself. Of course, this was promptly followed by me managing to twist my left wrist and ankle simultaneously. I’m all right now though (I hope someone gets that).

The worst part is that I have somehow managed to end up with friends who are the opposite of chronically clumsy. A crazy blonde health nut and an amazingly strong ballerina, and a hockey-playing, tennis-playing super fast runner of a boyfriend. I have become the token clumsy friend.

I have to concentrate on walking down the stairs while everyone else practically does cartwheels and somersaults. I have to spend so much time just making sure I don’t fall, i literally can’t walk and chew gum at the same time. I have to constantly run away screaming from soccer balls because even when I’m not directly involved in a game, they somehow  find their way to my head. And if, God forbid, I try to deflect them, I normally end up punching myself in the face. Lastly, no matter how many times I try, and no matter who tries to teach me, I will never truly be able to ice skate.

Luckily for me, I’ve learned to live with it! I have not managed to conquer this cunning beast, but I have learned to laugh at it, as I lie in a crumpled heap on the ground, my limbs bent into unnatural positions.

P.S: I’d just like to say, when I open my in-box and I see that someone has read my blog, or when I check my stats and someone read a post, it makes me so unbelievably happy. The bottomless void of the internet got sightly less bottomless.


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