University is a cult

University is a cult.

It is a cult of narcissism, debauchery and, above all else, denial.

Plunge yourself into the depths of young carelessness, overloaded courses and dense, flavourless days.

Repeat the mantras of those who came before you,

“I’m so tired”

“So hungover right now”

“I’m failing everything!”

Don’t forget those all important chuckles or those sarcastic inflections.

Reduce your entire life and, in fact, your meaning to these fundamental concepts:

  1. The world outside university does not exist. It is all.
  2. Surround yourself with those whose conversations revolve around the mantras.
  3. Justify your alcohol abuse with excuses of youth.
  4. Innocent pastimes are discouraged. Cooking a meal or reading a book are lesser activities. Rather focus on destructive habits, such as ‘partying’ or the sacred ‘binge-watching’.

Maintaining a state of exhaustion and poor mental health is encouraged, but never address these issues. If you are aware enough to begin looking outside the bubble that is Us, cure yourself by drinking with people you don’t even like. If you have enough time to consider anything beyond the scope of what is expected of you, further destabilize your time management.

Despite what you may have heard, you don’t need to think here.

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